Regrets and Pretty Pictures

So, as it happens, I'm awful at this whole blogging thing. Go fig. Just so you know -- I do sort of wish I was better at it. Really, I wish I could be a bit less scattered in general, and persistent in something. I suppose I'm willing to have that something be this. A blog (and, very secretly, not even the real blog - which is also only updated on the random occasions in which I simultaneously have something to say, and remember that I've built myself something of a forum in which to say it).

Actually, it's all kind of par for the course. I've kept journals for over 15 years now (which is crazy to think about in and of itself), and in all that time, my entries have been sporadic at best. Journaling has always been a process. It starts with a seed: an idea, an emotion, a moment of insight. Like a less shiny version of a pearl, this seed rolls around in my brain for a while, getting bigger, getting smoother, getting more persistent and taking up more and more of what space is not already occupied by more pressing matters. Eventually, it is the pressing matter and I find myself in the position of spitting it out somehow, or going mad. Ok, maybe not going mad. That's a bit extreme. In fact, often, I never get around to writing down whatever that thought was and it ends up fading into the recesses of my brain, perhaps to be visited again on another day - but most likely to be forgotten.

Hmm. Lovely visuals I'm having here on this end of this blog entry. That paragraph above brings to mind little thought bubbles, floating on the surface of a glassy lake, either growing bigger and bigger until they explode into the world, or growing heavier and heavier and sinking to the dark shadows of the lake bed. What would that lake bed look like, littered with the fading remnants of heavy thoughts? Or would the thoughts remain there, forever - never fading, just piling up, one upon another, like a million glass marbles of varying shapes and sizes? And what of the thoughts that explode? Do they float off into the ether? Or do they hover over the lake and are they reflected on the water and in the depths?

Hmm.....